Wednesday, January 6, 2010

New Focus For A New Year (Am I Sensing A Theme Here?)

Howdy folks! This camper is feeling much, much better. Thank the lawdy! The flu has finally left and I hope it never, ever returns. It has left a wee bit of sinus congestion that should hopefully be on it's way out as well.

I needed to take a break from paint prep, packing and cleaning and thought the perfect distraction would be catching up on my blog reading and writing. So here I am. I was reading some old posts of mine trying to pinpoint where I lost my drive and focus and unfortunately there is no clear cut time. I think it was a little more subtle than that. I would be lying if I said this didn't cause me to feel a little sad, ashamed and angry.

That also seemed to be the theme on Biggest Loser last night. I don't think I am going to watch this season because I was so disgusted with the shock tactics and overly dramatic scenes that seem to be shaping up this seasons episodes. To be honest I was kinda done last season (except for Danny... I lurved him!) My roommate and I were sitting there open-mouthed and angry at the blatant humiliation these people were going through for the sake of television ratings and sensationalism. Yes, I understand that they signed up to lose weight and air their emotional issues on national television but seriously? The weigh-in in front of their friends, family and townspeople? The message was so abundantly clear; You should be deeply ashamed for being this fat and it is now time for you to apologize for making everyone around you feel embarrassed for having to look at your fat, slothy ass! I know, I know... they agreed to weigh themselves on television for the whole world to see, but the contestants weighing in at the ranch in front of the trainers and each other would be a bonding tool that would forage friendships and alliances. I just feel that the heart and true message of the show has gotten lost in the producers need for ratings and shock value. P.S, where has Bob's training through love and compassion gone and since when did Gillian become a Psychologist? What happened to not stepping out of your scope of practice? Okay, rant done.

So, the title of my post? Maybe I should actually get to that. :)
Even though it made me angry, I am glad that I watched last nights BL episode if only for the fact that it got me thinking about my own situation and how I truly feel about myself and my body. I am tired of hating my body, of being ashamed of how I look but mostly I am tired of not truly loving and accepting myself... problems and all. So this years focus will be on finding happiness through creativity.

I used to be so imaginative, creative and artistic and somewhere along the way I lost a majority of that in my need to conform and to be liked by everyone. Well Screw That! :) So needless to say my blog will probably be focusing more on the things I do to enrich my life and the posts on how many calories I eat and the new fad diets I want to try will be fewer and farther between. I understand that I may lose a few readers because of that and I am okay with it. I understand that people need to read what inspires them and that may not necessarily be my blog.

I am also dedicating this year to more movement. I have noticed a stiffness that has started to settle in my body, I want to let that go and encourage space to open up. Yes, in a cut and dry way this means more exercise but I am approaching it from a different angle, not through the desperation to burn as many calories as possible.

This brings me to my third goal, self acceptance. I am hoping that the above two goals will help me in my achievement of the third. So I am going to focus on doing things that make me happy and strong. With that said, I am going to sign off now to head to the gym, have a nice lunch, a relaxing shower and then back to packing and cleaning. It's less than two weeks till moving day. Eeeek!

Until next time I wish you all much love and happiness in the new year!