Wednesday, January 6, 2010

New Focus For A New Year (Am I Sensing A Theme Here?)

Howdy folks! This camper is feeling much, much better. Thank the lawdy! The flu has finally left and I hope it never, ever returns. It has left a wee bit of sinus congestion that should hopefully be on it's way out as well.

I needed to take a break from paint prep, packing and cleaning and thought the perfect distraction would be catching up on my blog reading and writing. So here I am. I was reading some old posts of mine trying to pinpoint where I lost my drive and focus and unfortunately there is no clear cut time. I think it was a little more subtle than that. I would be lying if I said this didn't cause me to feel a little sad, ashamed and angry.

That also seemed to be the theme on Biggest Loser last night. I don't think I am going to watch this season because I was so disgusted with the shock tactics and overly dramatic scenes that seem to be shaping up this seasons episodes. To be honest I was kinda done last season (except for Danny... I lurved him!) My roommate and I were sitting there open-mouthed and angry at the blatant humiliation these people were going through for the sake of television ratings and sensationalism. Yes, I understand that they signed up to lose weight and air their emotional issues on national television but seriously? The weigh-in in front of their friends, family and townspeople? The message was so abundantly clear; You should be deeply ashamed for being this fat and it is now time for you to apologize for making everyone around you feel embarrassed for having to look at your fat, slothy ass! I know, I know... they agreed to weigh themselves on television for the whole world to see, but the contestants weighing in at the ranch in front of the trainers and each other would be a bonding tool that would forage friendships and alliances. I just feel that the heart and true message of the show has gotten lost in the producers need for ratings and shock value. P.S, where has Bob's training through love and compassion gone and since when did Gillian become a Psychologist? What happened to not stepping out of your scope of practice? Okay, rant done.

So, the title of my post? Maybe I should actually get to that. :)
Even though it made me angry, I am glad that I watched last nights BL episode if only for the fact that it got me thinking about my own situation and how I truly feel about myself and my body. I am tired of hating my body, of being ashamed of how I look but mostly I am tired of not truly loving and accepting myself... problems and all. So this years focus will be on finding happiness through creativity.

I used to be so imaginative, creative and artistic and somewhere along the way I lost a majority of that in my need to conform and to be liked by everyone. Well Screw That! :) So needless to say my blog will probably be focusing more on the things I do to enrich my life and the posts on how many calories I eat and the new fad diets I want to try will be fewer and farther between. I understand that I may lose a few readers because of that and I am okay with it. I understand that people need to read what inspires them and that may not necessarily be my blog.

I am also dedicating this year to more movement. I have noticed a stiffness that has started to settle in my body, I want to let that go and encourage space to open up. Yes, in a cut and dry way this means more exercise but I am approaching it from a different angle, not through the desperation to burn as many calories as possible.

This brings me to my third goal, self acceptance. I am hoping that the above two goals will help me in my achievement of the third. So I am going to focus on doing things that make me happy and strong. With that said, I am going to sign off now to head to the gym, have a nice lunch, a relaxing shower and then back to packing and cleaning. It's less than two weeks till moving day. Eeeek!

Until next time I wish you all much love and happiness in the new year!


girlysmack said...

:) You should start a gratitude journal. Keep it by your bed. Write something freakin' awesome about yourself every single night before bed. Or every single morning before you start your day so you can revel in your awesomeness all day long.

You go, girl!

On an unrelated note, the word verification on this post is "frohon" and it makes me smile. It sounds like a name from LOTR.

Retainer Girl said...

"Frohon." ha ha ha

You're awesome, Olivia. I look forward to seeing your more artistic and creative side come about, and I hope you accomplish your goals because you are way too fabulous not to love yourself!

Jenn said...

I felt the exact same way about BL last night. I thought the public weigh-in was completely unnecessary and humiliating.
I do still find inspiration from the show, though, especially when I see a 526 pound man bicycle for 26 miles - if he can do that, I can certainly do my Wii Fit for an hour!!!

Anonymous said...
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Anne said...

I'm impressed with your NY resolutions. I used to make ones that couldn't be accomplished, like go to the gym at least twice a week for the entire year. But why feel double-bad, like failing at a goal AND knowing I couldn't even get off my butt to walk on the treadmill. So I started making resolutions that can't be measured, like 'I will eat more vegetables this year.'

BUT, come to Stockholm. We will make you move. We dragged Stu's 70-year-old mother all over this city, in the ICE! Of course, we moved here and can count the times we've done yoga on one hand, but moves do that. If even.

Anne said...

And, to add to the reasons not to worry so much about counting every calorie, did you read this:

Olivia said...

Erin, what a lovely idea. (frohon= awesome!)

Retainer Girl, thank you pookie!

Jenn, thanks for stopping by. :) I totally agree, I find most of the contestants inspiring just not so much the drama and the screaming, cursing trainers. :D

Anne, as soon as I have some extra moola, you can bet your frozen bum that I will be over there...ASAP. Thanks for the link. :)

Jay said...

Great site you have here. I came across your site from another site. I have a blog myself which I hope will be a top resource for those looking to find the motivation to lose weight.

I'd like to exchange links with you to help spread some traffic around between each other. Please let me know if this is possible under our "Best Weight Loss Websites" page. Until then, keep up the good work!


Stephanie said...

I resonate with what you said about the sensationalism and shaming tactics. I've never seen an entire show but I have had glimpses. Those two principles are at the foundation of pretty much all reality tv, I think.
BODA lose weight

Paula Rodriguez said...

girlysmack-what a great idea.

I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I passed on the Happy 101 award to you... your blog makes me smile every time I read.