New Focus For A New Year (Am I Sensing A Theme Here?)

Howdy folks! This camper is feeling much, much better. Thank the lawdy! The flu has finally left and I hope it never, ever returns. It has left a wee bit of sinus congestion that should hopefully be on it's way out as well.

I needed to take a break from paint prep, packing and cleaning and thought the perfect distraction would be catching up on my blog reading and writing. So here I am. I was reading some old posts of mine trying to pinpoint where I lost my drive and focus and unfortunately there is no clear cut time. I think it was a little more subtle than that. I would be lying if I said this didn't cause me to feel a little sad, ashamed and angry.

That also seemed to be the theme on Biggest Loser last night. I don't think I am going to watch this season because I was so disgusted with the shock tactics and overly dramatic scenes that seem to be shaping up this seasons episodes. To be honest I was kinda done last season (except for Danny... I lurved him!) My roommate and I were sitting there open-mouthed and angry at the blatant humiliation these people were going through for the sake of television ratings and sensationalism. Yes, I understand that they signed up to lose weight and air their emotional issues on national television but seriously? The weigh-in in front of their friends, family and townspeople? The message was so abundantly clear; You should be deeply ashamed for being this fat and it is now time for you to apologize for making everyone around you feel embarrassed for having to look at your fat, slothy ass! I know, I know... they agreed to weigh themselves on television for the whole world to see, but the contestants weighing in at the ranch in front of the trainers and each other would be a bonding tool that would forage friendships and alliances. I just feel that the heart and true message of the show has gotten lost in the producers need for ratings and shock value. P.S, where has Bob's training through love and compassion gone and since when did Gillian become a Psychologist? What happened to not stepping out of your scope of practice? Okay, rant done.

So, the title of my post? Maybe I should actually get to that. :)

Even though it made me angry, I am glad that I watched last nights BL episode if only for the fact that it got me thinking about my own situation and how I truly feel about myself and my body. I am tired of hating my body, of being ashamed of how I look but mostly I am tired of not truly loving and accepting myself... problems and all. So this years focus will be on finding happiness through creativity.

I used to be so imaginative, creative and artistic and somewhere along the way I lost a majority of that in my need to conform and to be liked by everyone. Well Screw That! :) So needless to say my blog will probably be focusing more on the things I do to enrich my life and the posts on how many calories I eat and the new fad diets I want to try will be fewer and farther between. I understand that I may lose a few readers because of that and I am okay with it. I understand that people need to read what inspires them and that may not necessarily be my blog.

I am also dedicating this year to more movement. I have noticed a stiffness that has started to settle in my body, I want to let that go and encourage space to open up. Yes, in a cut and dry way this means more exercise but I am approaching it from a different angle, not through the desperation to burn as many calories as possible.

This brings me to my third goal, self acceptance. I am hoping that the above two goals will help me in my achievement of the third. So I am going to focus on doing things that make me happy and strong. With that said, I am going to sign off now to head to the gym, have a nice lunch, a relaxing shower and then back to packing and cleaning. It's less than two weeks till moving day. Eeeek!

Until next time I wish you all much love and happiness in the new year!

Shock

You know how you can have certain days when you think you look really cute and you think to yourself, "Hey, I am not the beast I thought I was." And you can float on those good feelings for a couple of days, live your life as happy as you can and tra-la-la all over the place. That is until you see something like this:

Yep, that's me in the oh so flattering lime green shirt. Yeah... me.....next to the normal sized people. Then it hits you, I am not okay. I have a problem.....I am NOT healthy. It's funny how certain angles in a mirror or shop window can fool you into thinking that you look smaller than you really are and then WHAM! reality knocks you right on your well padded bottom.

Well this past weekends activities did that for me. Believe me there are many more very unflattering photos of my self and a video or two that left me teary eyed and extremely embarrassed. Then I start thinking to myself, "GOD! No wonder people look at me weird when I say I am a massage therapist who is really into the healing arts and alternative medicine." Then I start to imagine what must be going through my clients heads when I suggest stretches and exercises that will help them manage their pain. Oy.

When blows like this happen it hits my brain into overdrive and I nearly drive myself crazy trying to analyze and reanalyze what I should do. Then I get frustrated and confused because I already have so much useful and useless information stored in there about every diet on the face of the earth. At some point during my over thinking fits I freak, cry and then shut down. Am I alone in this? Do other people feel this way or am I a weirdo?

After much meditation, prayer and silence I decided to see what my intuition (not my ego) would decide was the best course of action. I slept on it, got up the next day did my usual morning routine and checked my email. While I was waiting for my email to load it hit me: I should focus on balancing my body, making sure that all of my systems are in check and healthy. Well, in my inbox was one of the many updates that I get from Louise Hay's Hay House Publications. If you have never heard of Louise Hay, please do yourself a favor and check out her book, YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE. Absolutely wonderful! Anyway in my inbox was an announcement of a new book called THE CORE BALANCE DIET by Marcelle Pick. Has anyone heard of this book or tried it? Please leave a comment if you have. I am very interested in giving it a try. It's all about balancing your body's systems and allowing it to come to a state of harmony, which is what health is really.

I haven't bought it yet because I wanted to see if any of you out there in bloggerland has read the book or tried something similar.

Let's move on to the rest of the day. :)

Yesterday, after the gym, I came home for a very veggie dinner:

Mixed green salad with avocado, almonds, canned tuna, and organic ranch dressing with a little french thrown in for flavor.

A bowl of amazing butternut squash soup by Campbell's.


It was very delicious and very satisfying.

This morning I had my usual for breakie! Lordy how I lurve bananas and peanut butter.

I hope to post lunch and dinner pics tonight but I have a busy afternoon and evening scheduled. Plus Biggest Loser is on tonight.

Check ya later!

Quiet Before The Storm

Today I went shopping for these:

I had decided a while ago that I wanted to start wearing scrubs for massaging I just hadn't gotten around to buying them. So when I was offered the medical massage therapist position at a local rehabilitation doctor's office I made it a priority to stock up on scrubs so I could stop ruining my "street " clothes with oils and creams. Well, today I had to go to THREE different places, two Walmarts and Home Healthcare America, to try to find scrubs in my size. Needless to say it was extremely difficult to find matching colors in 3x, which must be a hard size to keep in stock. That or they make very little large sized scrubs that people like myself snarf them up. It did not feel good, in fact I felt my heart sag a little in my chest.... kinda like other parts in that same region.

So once again it reaffirmed what I must do because it has been abundantly clear that I haven't been the past 2 months. So I have devised a schedule that I aim to steadily work up to and would like to share it with you to see what you think. Here goes:

• Monday: work 9-5 then hit the gym for a class or workout of my choice. Or if I have clients work at my office for no more than 2 sessions
• Tuesday: work 10-7 then hit the gym for at least an hour
• Wednesday: work 11-6, gym or take no more than 1 client at my office
• Thursday: work 10-7, gym
• Friday: work 10-5, gym or take no more than 2 clients at my office
• Saturday: off two or more a month, work at my office no more than two a month
• Sunday: two classes at the gym back to back

Now I know there will be some week to week tweaking involved because it will depend on how busy I am at work and at my office as to how much I will make it to the gym during the week. If I am able to work out during the week I may decided to take Saturday or Sunday off from workouts. On the food front, I only get a half hour for lunch which means that I will have to brown bag it. Breakfast I will eat before I go to work but then I will have to pack lunch, snacks and possibly dinner depending on my workout schedule. I may just wind up eating A LOT of salads for dinner. So what I have gathered from what I want to do here is that I will have to be super organized; meal planning and cooking in advance, packing my gym bag the night before, going to bed the same time every night and waking the same time every morning. Which is probably what I have needed all along. Wish me luck and let me know if you have any suggestions. Thanks for stopping by!

And Now You're Back...From Outer Space

Good Lord it has been forever since I put up anything. So in order to fix that I am posting a quick blurb to let ya'll know what this little southern belle has been up to. Tomorrow is my first day off in I don't know how long. And by day off I mean that the day is my own. I don't have work, or any family obligations, no events to attend just a day to call my own. So I will be spending it catching up on blog goings on, cooking, cleaning and getting a heavenly massage tomorrow morning. Sigh. So here is a break down of the haps in my neck of the woods:

• Yes, I got the job! I will totally be doing massage for a Dr.'s office and making great bank with benefits and vacation time. Sweet!
• I have found a fellow massage therapist to share my office space with me so that it wont be going to waste. Plus since we work so well together we can now offer couples massages.
• I said goodbye to one fabulous roommate and hello to another. So far things have been awesome, of course I really haven't been around much... ;)
• I haven't been to the gym in almost two weeks.... ugggg! However starting next Monday (my first day of work) I will be going at least 4 days a week cause it's, get this, right next to my new job! So really, there is no excuse. :)
• I haven't started my 3 free months of Weight Watchers but I plan to rectify that this week.
• I have been extremely busy with massages these past couple of weeks.....life is good, money is good. :D
• For the first time in a very long time I feel as if a great weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I will actually have health and dental insurance, something I have been without for about 6 years now.

So all in all a crazy, wonderful, stressful, happy, sad, lovely couple of weeks.

Writing It Down

After many days of sniffle and snotty my cold seems to finally be taking it's leave. I took for granted how much a clear head helps with all of the many to do's in life. For the weekend that I was sick I was so absentminded and unorganized and not to mention a little off balance. I'm serious, I have the stubbed toes and bruises to prove it. :) But now, halelujah, I seem to be back in black.

I am headed to the gym in about 45 minutes for a much needed Strive class. It will feel so good to work out my stiff muscles and stretch my limbs. It will also help me focus, cause folks this week is gonna be a busy one. In fact it already has. It is a week full of cleaning, advertising, massaging, job hunting, Jury dutying, errand running, grocery shopping and book club reading. Plus I have to start the preparation of one roommate leaving and another taking her place. So needless to say, this gal's gotta get organized cause January is, like, crazy!

In keeping with the flow of organization and with Lyn's week twelve challenge, I have decided to keep a virtual food journal right on this here blog. A few of you may remember last time when I received some not so positive comments on my food journaling but I feel confident and strong enough to try again. Sparkpeople have been a great help with understanding calorie counting and portion sizes. So here I go..... again. :) I will attempt to update it every night and eventually, if I ever get a digital camera, I would love to post pictures as well.

Okay, I'm off!

Soooo Tired.....

but I wanted to post my Turkey Trot time. This was my first ever marathon run/walk and I was totally smitten. Everyone was in such great spirits before, during and after and I really felt like I accomplished something awesome!

My official time for walking the 5k was: 55:23. Which beat my training time by almost 10 minutes! I guess it was the adrenaline and the people cheering us on. My mom and I finished together by running the last few feet and singing the Chariots of Fire theme song out loud. It ruled! Patherine was there cheering us on in her lovely blue Hello Kitty hat. Bless her!

I hope that more people will join us next year. It was loads of fun.

Must go now..... so sleepy.

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well tomorrow is the big day. They day that most of us who are dieting fear. A day of eating, couching, TV watching and eating some more. Sure, I will be doing some of that but I will also be participating in the Fredericksburg YMCA Turkey Trot! 5K's worth of butt kickin' good times.

I feel really good about where I am in my training. I have been doing over 4 miles on the Elliptical and 5K on the treadmill with some weight training and cardio classes thrown in. It will feel so good to be doing something active on the big day. I will more than likely post this weekend about my experience, which I know will be a good one, hopefully with some pics too.

I hope that all of you American readers have a safe and wonderful Turkey Day. And for those of you across the pond have an excellent day as well.... maybe sneak in a slice of pecan or pumpkin pie to toast to us Yankee's over here. ;)

Whew!

Hellllooooooo! Where the heck have I been? Not lounging on the beach in the south of France or sipping sangria in Spain.... I'm here in exciting Fredvegas. It may not be exciting but my life has at least been busy. The Turkey Trot is exactly a week from today and I am super psyched about it. I have been steadily training, except for a few days earlier this week when Auntie Flow was being a major butt munch but that aside I am doing well. I really enjoy having short term goals to strive for. After the Turkey Trot is the cruise and then after that..... I don't know but I must find something! :)

I am applying my previous goals to my daily routine and so far it seems to be working rather well. I am definitely getting more sleep now which has changed my mood dramatically. I am recording my calories and exercise on Sparkpeople. The only problem I had with it at first was when I plugged in my weight and how much I wanted to lose by a certain date it had me on a caloric intake of 1500 to 1700 daily. Well, I had a very difficult time keeping it less than 1800 and that was eating lots of fruits, veggies, lean protein and complex carbs. I spoke with my personal trainer friend and she about had a heart attack at how little they were recommending. With my height and activity level she suggested that I eat between 1800 on normal days and 2000 on active days. So that is what I am striving for. We will have to see how it goes.

The not eating after 7pm has proven to be a little more challenging than I would have liked. Sometimes I just don't get off from work and the gym until after 8pm and I don't want to mess up my metabolism by skipping dinner especially after a workout so when that happens I try to stick to light meals like salads and soups but I still notice a difference in that I don't sleep as well if I eat later. Especially since I am hitting the sack before 12am. I just went to the grocery store two days ago and spent over $100 buying nutritious foods so that I have plenty of wonderful options. Plus I have done some meal planning that will hopefully help curb my bad food choices and also keep some extra money in my pocket. :)

Still searching for an artistic outlet. I am looking on line and in the paper to see if something sticks out. I love photography but don't have a decent camera. I love to bake but that would kind of defeat the purpose of this blog. I would love to hear any suggestions of what I could do that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg. My friends and I have a few plans to visit some of the amazing art galleries DC has to offer and I am sure I will find some inspiration there. I have been feeling a pull towards pottery but seem to be having difficulties locating a class in the winter time. Ahh, well.... no biggie. :)

I hope that everyone is doing well and that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Yes I Can!

If an African American male can run a history making campaign for presidency and WIN, then I should be able to get a handle on this healthy lifestyle change I am trying to implement. I have had set back after set back, all of which are self induced btw and yet I am still here and I still refuse to give up.

I got on the scale last night at the gym before my Bodyjam class and was rather disheartened to see 321.2. That is a 6 pound gain over the past two months. While I stared down at the number being reflected back to me I made a promise to myself, I will not take this to heart. I have been having stop and start female issues for about 3 weeks now and that may have something to do with it. The day before I weighed I walked 5K as training for the Turkey Trot. Plus, I can see on my body where I have lost some inches. Heck, since I have been doing weight lifting classes it could be a muscle gain but a fat loss. I just don't know.

I do know that my eating patterns are my downfall. I will have three really great days and then a few social engagements later and I am right back where I started. So I think I am just going to have to suck it up and try the calorie tracking and food journaling on Spark People. If there is one thing that President Elect Obama has shown me it's that you can't ever give up and as my friend Adrienne says, "You gotta have a dream to make a dream come true." My dream is to be the best Olivia I can be and right now I am pretty good but I know that a better me is just around the corner. :)

I work best on a schedule but with my line of work I need to work around the clients availability. But I still control the quality of my life. I have been thinking about goals that I can work on to help keep me on a schedule and here are some of them:

• go to bed by 11:30 every night
• get up by 8am every morning ( Sundays are freebies)
• when working, exercise in the evenings
• when off, exercise in the mornings
• pack lunches and dinners (eating out is for social occasions)
• do not eat meals after 7pm (only post workout snacks)
• log calories and food journal before bed
• find and artistic outlet to replace emotional eating

I am sure I will come up with many more things to cover but one day at a time. This weekend is full of clients, laundry and the Green Festival on Sunday which I am super excited about! I look forward to the inspiration that I will find there. :)

Hello Campers!

You know, when I started this blog I had grand ideas about what I would do on it, the challenges I would face and the many, many, many posts I would write. Somehow the frequency in which I post has gone from several times a week to barely one every two weeks. I am going to try to rectify that starting now. Can't make any promises with the holidays coming up and the cruise looming ever closer but I will make a massive effort. So without further ado I give you an update on my life. :)

For starters I have been really sick the past 4 0r 5 days. It's that darn cold that everyone seems to be passing around to each other and I believe I got mine from my roommate. Thanks roomie! ;) So needless to say I haven't worked out since my boot camp session and am now just finally able to breath. The boot camp was pretty awesome. It was hard..... but awesome and I felt really good afterwards. I would love to do it again but will have to wait to see how the money situation goes. I do belong to a gym which I pay a pretty substantial amount for and can't really justify spending grocery money on another workout program when I can do something similar at the gym. Even though I really like working out with my homegirl, April. I guess we will just have to continue with the trades instead. :)

Well, this is my weigh in week. I am a little nervous since I haven't been able to work out in a while but I feel as if my food portions have been way better since I have been sick. The only way to know where I am is to get on that scale. SO I AM GOING TO DO IT! It has been really nice concentrating on my workouts and portions instead of "weight loss". It has taken the crazy, obsessive nature of weight loss out the equation. I am still getting compliments from people saying that I am "melting", especially on my back and bootie. So that is really nice to hear. And sometimes, on really good days, I can see it too.

I have been taking a fantastic daily vitamin that I got from the Vitamin Shoppe. It rocks the house! It's easier for your body to absorb since it comes from whole foods so you don't pee it all out just what your body doesn't use. So I credit that a lot to the fact that I am not eating as much in the portion way. My body is getting good nutrients from this vitamin so I don't crave as much either. It's awesome.

I have to step up my training for the Turkey Trot. The sickness has definitely put me behind schedule so this week it's about getting back on my workout track, eating health restoring foods and generally getting my health back in balance to survive the coming holiday season.

Oh, and this weeks healthy habit challenge is to get more fiber into your diet. I still plan on doing a liver detox but need to wait until this cold is completely out of my system since detoxing can sometimes cause you to get sick in the beginning stages. Once I am on that I will be eating a predominately vegetarian diet so that will ensure that I am getting plenty of fiber but until then up the fiber road I go!

Be extraordinary!

What to do, what to do?

So my dearest, darlingest, bestest friend in the whole wide world, Elisa, bought me J'adore for my maid of honor gift. I love it!! I wear it on nights out, to work and sometimes just sometimes in my pj's. :) I can't get enough! But it does, however, leave me with a bit of a conundrum; what should be my 50lbs lost goal now? In fact I have no idea what to reward myself with after 30lbs lost. So here is where you all come in. Please leave a comment with any and all suggestions for rewards from 30 to 50lbs lost. I don't think I can manage thinking beyond that right now. Of course I have already decided what to do when I reach my weight loss end goal.

So pony up kiddies and keep those suggestions coming!!

See yas!

I Have Made My Next Goal!!!

*313.4*

Oh my geesh.... it has taken forever but I have finally reached my 10lb goal! You know what that means, MOVIE MOVIE MOVIE!! I get to take myself out on a date for a movie of my choosing. What to do? What to do? When to go? What to see? Wheeeeeee!!

Reaching My Final Goal

I have been thinking about this a lot over the past several months. I have a reward system in place for when I lose the first 50 pounds, have kinda started thinking about what my rewards would be for the next 50 but beyond that I haven't really come up with anything. It seems that in typical "me" fashion I have been concentrating most on the prize at the end. What in the world would I give, get or have done to myself when I finally reach the great and powerful Oz? The possibilities are limitless because, let's face it, I really can't picture myself there yet. In my mind it is still a little unattainable and maybe that is a good thing. Maybe it helps to force me to focus on just the "next 5 pounds" because 5 pounds is not nearly as daunting as say..... the next 150 pounds. Which right now is my end goal. I want to see how I look and more importantly how I feel at 170 pounds.

If, no, WHEN I reach my final goal I want the reward to be something so spectacular, so amazing, so unbelievably outrageous that I become addicted to the idea of actually achieving it. It has to be something that I already obsess about, dream about, ache for. So here is what I came up with:

When I reach my goal of 170 pounds I am going on a two week hiking trip through the Scottish Highlands! Now the question is: WHO'S COMIN' WITH ME?! :) Check out this site and this site to get an idea of what I am talking about.

HELL YEAH!

Reasons Why I Want To Lose Weight

Just To Fat put up a lovely post reminding herself why she was trying to lose weight in the first place. It's a very inspiring post and at the end she encourages other bloggers to make a similar list. I have been thinking about mine for a few days and here is what I have come up with so far:

• To feel the kind of sexy that healthy and fit people seem to just radiate
• To be able to walk into any clothing store and make cute and sassy apparel purchases
• So that my lower back doesn't constantly hurt
• To do any adventure sport without being completely out of breath
• To feel confident in dating again
• So I can enjoy sex without being self conscious
• To attract an amazing man
• To fit comfortably in an airplane seat
• To look beautiful and graceful dancing
• To feel small and feminine (as much as I can at 5'10)
• So I can comfortably do Yoga

These are just a few I came up with and the closer I get to my goal, the more I hope to come up with so that I can continue to give myself that little extra push.

How about you?

EEK!! It's Swimsuit Season

Yes, it's every big girls favorite time of year......swimsuit season. I know, hold back your excitement. I already knew in my mind that I would have to find a new suit for the cruise in December which wasn't so bad since I have a little time until then but I have been invited to go to Duck, NC with my extended step family for a few days in August. Now before you say, "What's the big deal?", I will tell you what the big deal is. My entire step family is petite with super cute figures and let's face it, when I am around them I feel like a heifer. Most of them do not reach above 5'4 and they have no body fat, never sweat and can wear the cutest of clothes and the sassiest of heels while I clump along beside them in flats sweating my makeup off and ruining my freshly styled hair.



So in my desperation to try my darnedest to at least look stylish next to them I began BIG GIRL SWIMSUIT HUNT 2008. And this is what I found:





Isn't it just stunning?! It reminds me of a time when sirens of the silver screen came equipped with curves for days and those curves were celebrated if not coveted. So I am saving up my pennies so that I can, at least for one day, feel like Marilyn Monroe.

P.S

I forgot to mention that besides wanting to loose weight to become healthy I also have a 6 month goal. My best friend in the whole wide world is getting married in December on a cruise to the Caribbean and I am her maid of honor. I wont lie and say that the idea of sporting a swim suit right now is a little nauseating but my main reason for wanting to be "lighter" for the cruise is that there are so many adventure activities that I want to do that have weight restrictions and frankly I don't want to deal with that. So I am gonna take the weight out of the equation.

Cruising Great in '08! (oh, that was bad.)