It's The Little Things

After feeling kinda low yesterday due to the incident that shall not be named (I'm looking at YOU,scale!) I decided to comfort myself with a little TLC.  Instead of stuffing my face full of any number of delicious yet utterly bad for you foods, I got my hair done.  Cut, high and low lights.... the works.  I love it!  It's very different from my usual golden blond.  I went for rich brown low lights and super duper blond (think platinum) high lights.  I wish I had a pic for you.  Maybe I can get my butt in gear and take one sometime this week to post.

What positive things do you do for yourself when you are feeling low?

*gulp*

Hey.  I have once again done a two week disappearing act.  I have many reasons, of course: LOST, work, birthdays, cleaning and organizing.  But as you can see none of those things listed are losing weight or exercising.

So today I got up bright and early, grabbed a naner and headed to the gym with my already-packed-the-night-before gym bag. I thought to myself, "Hey, it's a good day to hop on the scale and see where I am.  I haven't done it in a looooong time so what the heck!"  Well, 332 is what the heck.  I nearly vomited on the spot.  Folks, this is the highest my weight has ever been.  EVER.  Well, that I am aware of... there were a few years in my early 20's when I didn't weigh myself at all and was quite a lot heavier than I feel now.  Needless to say that my stomach nearly fell out of my butt as I was hyperventilating (all on the inside.  I mean, I was in public for goodness sake!)

I did this before my Strive class so I bet you can guess what I thought of the whole time I was sweatin' out to cams 1, 2 and 3.  When the class was over and I went to the locker room to shower I took a moment to really look at myself.  And what I saw I did not like.  My perseption of my size was a lot smaller than what it really is.  As I was standing there, dripping sweat, hair plastered to my forehead and my lower back, knees and heels hurting it finally sunk in just how unhealthy I am. 

I can't really explain what I started feeling in that moment.  A sort of calm heaviness began to settle in me... a determination in a way started taking affect in that far away place in my brain.  I don't know what it means yet and I think I am just gonna follow it and see where it leads me.  I have begun some changes that I am not ready to go into yet because I want to see how they pan out.  The last thing ya'll need is me waxing poetic about what I "plan" to do instead of what I am doing.  I will share in time, once I get a better grip on the situation.

Wanted:

This print. I saw this on a recent post at Design*Sponge and fell in love with this map. In fact I think I fell in love with most of the maps featured in the article. There is an aqua version of the one above that is fabu too. Check out the website: These Are Things. You'll be glad you did.

Sigh, that map is just so very MadMen. *heart flutters*

Dropping The Ball

Wowzers! Where did I go? It's been what, three weeks since I uttered a peep. Unacceptable.
I wish I had some amazing story of why I've been away for so long. You know, something wondrous like I was out tracking rogue lions in the African bush or helping my friend Anne install the Annie Leibovitz show at the Fotografiska Museum or sailing the Caribbean in a luscious yacht with a handsome Scottish billionaire. However, no... I have been doing none of those things. Sad. Face.

I have, however been working like crazy, dealing with car issues and watching a lot of Ruby. I know that many of you out there watch Ms. Ruby too. Well this seasons finale really got to me. If you haven't seen it, Ruby and some of her girlfriends from the group, Women's Fat Night, decided to undergo a 6 day intensive therapy program to really discover why they are over weight. It was a two hour special and extremely emotional. I really identified with Ruby's friend Joan who had the first breakthrough during the program. I have saved the show on my dvr since it was two hours of an emotional boot camp. I am planning to watch it again when I am alone (sands large good ole boy roommate) and I can truly fall into the emotions that their experiences brought up for me.

I have kind of flirted with this idea for a while and have said it half jokingly on many occasions but while watching this episode of Ruby and trying to be really honest with myself I now see that I really truly have an addiction to food. One that requires more help than I can provide myself. I have been researching the local Weight Watchers (out of my budget for now), looking at different versions of the 12 step program, support groups, food plans, workout plans... you name it and I have probably looked at it. One thing I did realize is that I need to be more honest with myself about my problems and weaknesses and that I really need to purge my feelings and thoughts on this here blog. Sometimes I worry too much about being funny or entertaining instead of just being honest.

The two weeks after my last post I was kicking some major booty on the workout front and averaging 5 days of workouts a week. I was also making my meals, not eating out and watching my portions. This past week saw all of those amazingly good things fly right out the window. I allowed my routine to dissolve because of some minor changes that needed to be made for this week. I really need to learn to roll with the punches, a few setbacks should not derail me so. One positive thing out of this week is that I really noticed the difference in how I feel. I have not slept through the night at all this week, I have had no energy, my skin revolted against me, my digestive track is most displeased and my internal lady parts are confused and unhappy.

This evening I am trying to reset my clocks, get super organized for the week and start the climb again.

What helps you get back on track?