Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Feeling Your Fat

Okay, I think I have been doing really well with the staying positive stuff, doing things that make me happy and trying to accept myself for who I am. However, some days (like today) I really and I do mean REALLY feel every last jiggling pound of my fat. In fact I would say that the "pressure" of feeling all this fat has been lying on my chest for almost a week now. It seems to be popping up in most conversations with friends, on tv, at work etc. etc. etc. I am clearly not the only one out there that feels this way or else the diet business wouldn't be so lucrative. It just sucks, ya know?

My work and social schedule have been so topsy turvy this past week and a half that I myself feel topsy turvy. My gym plans have taken a back seat to last minute work appointments, friends coming into town and let's face it just plan laziness on my part. I just can't seem to get the energy to work out at 8:30 or 9pm at night. And going before work is sometimes an option but since I have moved my gym is in a completely opposite county from where I live. That makes it very inconvenient. I know what most of you are probably thinking, that if I really wanted to I would find a way to exercise whether it's in a gym or not.... and you would be right. It's this never ending cycle of excuses that keeps me from achieving my goal.

The truth is I just don't want to work out somedays and sometimes those somedays turn into a week and then two weeks and the next thing you know it's a month since your badonkadonk has seen the elliptical. Then, after a while I get the itch to get back into the gym and manage to keep it up for several weeks. But those excuses sneak back in eventually and then I am right back where I started. I don't know how to break the pattern. I don't know how to love and accept myself longer than a few weeks before the negative thoughts start to rear their ugly freakin' heads.

Let me take a break from this poo poo post and say thanks to all of you for sticking by me. I really appreciate it. I know that patterns of highs and lows can be frustrating and I have really been trying to keep at a more even keel but sometimes I gotta vent and you (lucky, lucky readers) get to share in all my crazy a$$ glory. So again, thank you pookies!!

On a more positive note a good friend of mine, who normally lives in Chicago, is cooking dinner for about 14 friends at my house tomorrow night. Why is this spectacular you ask? Because my friend just spent 3 months in Italy studying the cuisine before he graduated from culinary school. So yeah, this should be awesome! I am gonna try and shake off my mood by tomorrow morning so that I can really enjoy my friends, the food and the wonderful memories that I know we will create.


girlysmack said...

I know health insurance is a hot topic :) but have you thought about counseling? I ask that because I am taking this class in Psychology and the professor (who ROCKS!) is a specialist in weight problems. Did I say that right? Anyway, he counsels people who are overweight and he says there is always a psychological reason for keeping weight on. Like maybe it is some kind of protection against something. And that a person cannot lose the weight without addressing the underlying cause. That that is why even people who undergo gastric bypass can gain the weight back...

Anyway. Just an idea.

I love you! You are a strong black woman.

Anonymous said...

Not being able to get to the gym is tough, but it is just a minor setback in your overall plan. Keep positive thoughts and the vision of your success with you at all times, and the vision will empower you to succeed with reaching your goals! Best of luck!