I feel really lost right now, really disappointed and very weepy. Why do I continue to quit on myself? I just started this damn change and already I have made excuses, felt bad about myself on numerous occasions and almost given up a couple of times. I feel so weak right now.
I love to work out, that is not my problem but when it comes to the diet I have absolutely no discipline. I love food. I love to cook and bake. I love discussing food and wine and anything involving the culinary arts. I love to watch the Food Network. My other blog has mostly links to other food blogs. I envy those people a lot. I envy people who can have a healthy love of food and wine and still maintain a healthy lifestyle. I want their carefree attitude about food and life in general.
I have traveled to Europe on three different occasions in my life, which is a whole different problem ( cause I haven't been able to travel there more.) I long for the European approach to the pleasures in life. They absolutely do not agonize over every little calorie or gram of fat. They don't apologize for making their meals an occasion to be celebrated and remembered. I also admire the flavors of the Orient and how Asia has raised their gastronomic adventures to an art form.
My major problem is that, on most occasions, I wait until I am ravenous to begin my quest for food. That usually leads me to make bad decisions and thus the cycle continues. I know that claiming to be super busy is only one of many excuses I use to give up on myself. I could make my meals ahead of time and freeze them portioned and everything. But do I? No. Do you want to know the reason why? Because I just don't want to have to deny myself something if I want it. I just want to be able to work out a lot, eat whatever I want and just lose weight. Alas that will just have to continue being my fantasy since we all know that's not how it works.
One of the things I am trying to change about myself is to be more pro-active. Since I have been hating on myself the past couple of days I decided to go to the gym on a Saturday night and swim. I watched two episodes of Biggest Loser reruns then I went to the grocery store and bought some skinless chicken breast, milk and kashi cereal. I already have potatoes, green beans and zucchini from my stop at the farmers market on Tuesday. So tomorrow I will have a healthy breakfast, choose wisely when I meet my friend for lunch at my favorite restaurant and then try to control myself at my friends going away party at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I love their mojitos! I WILL go to the gym tomorrow and then come home and make myself a healthy and nutritious dinner. Plus, I will blog about my day that evening so that I don't leave you all hanging about my progress.
For those of you out there struggling with the same problems, please leave me a comment on what you do to get yourself out of a slump.
Ta!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
2nd Weigh In
Okay, here it is. My first weigh in: 321.6. That's a loss of 1.8lbs!! Yay!! An actual loss! Granted it is not as large as I was hoping but I think we all know that my eating was not it's best this first week. I hope to get to the grocery story sometime this week to stock up on healthy cheap foods ( thanks for the suggestions Lorrie!).
I went to hip hop dance class tonight and thought I was gonna actually pass out. I think it was a combination of things, not enough water throughout the day, it was hotter than three hells in the room and Aunt Flow is seriously kicking my ass. The class was still fun but my near death experience was not ( insert eye roll due to over dramatizing here).
My goal for next Tuesday's weigh in is to increase my weight loss by 4 pounds. Yeah, that's right, I am gettin' crazy here and pushing for a 5 or 6 lb lost for next week.
My exercise goal is to work out at least4 days this week.
My food goal is to eat more fruits and vegetables.
Later Taters!
I went to hip hop dance class tonight and thought I was gonna actually pass out. I think it was a combination of things, not enough water throughout the day, it was hotter than three hells in the room and Aunt Flow is seriously kicking my ass. The class was still fun but my near death experience was not ( insert eye roll due to over dramatizing here).
My goal for next Tuesday's weigh in is to increase my weight loss by 4 pounds. Yeah, that's right, I am gettin' crazy here and pushing for a 5 or 6 lb lost for next week.
My exercise goal is to work out at least4 days this week.
My food goal is to eat more fruits and vegetables.
Later Taters!
Gateful
I have decided after watching Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life for like the billionth time that I am going to start putting up on my sidebar someone or something that I am grateful for everyday. I know that by doing this it will help me to focus more intently on the positive which is how I want to approach my journey to health. :)
Maybe by doing this I can stop focusing on what I want "to lose" and help me appreciate more of what I have gained. For instance tonight I have a date with the scale at my gym. Once that is through I will be enjoying a hip hop dance class. I am thankful that I belong to a gym that I actually like.
What are you grateful for?
Maybe by doing this I can stop focusing on what I want "to lose" and help me appreciate more of what I have gained. For instance tonight I have a date with the scale at my gym. Once that is through I will be enjoying a hip hop dance class. I am thankful that I belong to a gym that I actually like.
What are you grateful for?
Monday, June 2, 2008
Weekend In Review
Saturday was the day from hell. I started the day off with a nasty message from one of my bosses on my voicemail. Sweet. Then I get to work and the last therapist hadn't cleaned up the hot stones from the day before and I needed them for my first session. That put me way behind which, I am sad to say, set a nasty tone for my day. I got into a fight with my best friend over something silly during my lunch break. Because I was so upset from that and the fact that my client took their sweet time leaving I wasn't able to eat anything. I had only had 3 sausage cheese balls for breakfast.
So I finished up my work day and headed home to scrounge up a snack before a much needed shower. I was to meet some friends at Chipotle for dinner before seeing Sex and the City and I didn't want to run late but I also wanted to get rid of my low blood sugar headache. Isn't it amazing how a shower can make everything seem better? Needless to say the night drastically improved, the movie was awesome and it was great hanging out with my girls.
Sunday Aunt Flow came for a visit which prevented my sleeping in. Grrr.......
I did however have lunch with my friend David, who I hadn't spent time with in over 2 years. It was really awesome to catch up. He is getting married in the fall to a fantastic girl who keeps him in line. ;) We had Vietnamese food which I love but the restaurant wasn't very good. Oh well.
After that I came back to my apartment to meet up with my BFF so we could discuss what happened on Saturday. It was such a wonderful talk, emotional, but wonderful. I really love that girl to bits! :) After our heart to heart I was really hungry but unfortunately a huge thunderstorm blew in and cut off power for a while which was super annoying. All I really wanted was a Papa Johns sausage cheese pizza and a coke (emotional eater much?) but of course every pizza joint in town had lost their power as well. After an hour of trying to find some place that was open I finally ordered a Hawaiian pizza and Dr. Peppers for me and the roomie. I had decided to pick it up since it would take less time and I was uber hungry. Did you know that I still had to wait a half hour when I went to pick the dang thing up? Sigh.
I finally made it home, ate and began to relax. I cleaned up my room, got organized for Monday and then read a book. Today was much better than the previous days before. I was able to release some of the anger and emotions I had been storing the day before and now I feel pretty good. In all of my reflecting this weekend I came to the realization that I need two days off a week. I was really starting to get burned out and now I have more time for me and more time to focus on my health and my game plan.
I am intending that the next few posts will be happier ones. Who wants to read about a grumpy Gus all the time?
Oh yeah and there is that date I have with a scale tomorrow. Wish me luck!
So I finished up my work day and headed home to scrounge up a snack before a much needed shower. I was to meet some friends at Chipotle for dinner before seeing Sex and the City and I didn't want to run late but I also wanted to get rid of my low blood sugar headache. Isn't it amazing how a shower can make everything seem better? Needless to say the night drastically improved, the movie was awesome and it was great hanging out with my girls.
Sunday Aunt Flow came for a visit which prevented my sleeping in. Grrr.......
I did however have lunch with my friend David, who I hadn't spent time with in over 2 years. It was really awesome to catch up. He is getting married in the fall to a fantastic girl who keeps him in line. ;) We had Vietnamese food which I love but the restaurant wasn't very good. Oh well.
After that I came back to my apartment to meet up with my BFF so we could discuss what happened on Saturday. It was such a wonderful talk, emotional, but wonderful. I really love that girl to bits! :) After our heart to heart I was really hungry but unfortunately a huge thunderstorm blew in and cut off power for a while which was super annoying. All I really wanted was a Papa Johns sausage cheese pizza and a coke (emotional eater much?) but of course every pizza joint in town had lost their power as well. After an hour of trying to find some place that was open I finally ordered a Hawaiian pizza and Dr. Peppers for me and the roomie. I had decided to pick it up since it would take less time and I was uber hungry. Did you know that I still had to wait a half hour when I went to pick the dang thing up? Sigh.
I finally made it home, ate and began to relax. I cleaned up my room, got organized for Monday and then read a book. Today was much better than the previous days before. I was able to release some of the anger and emotions I had been storing the day before and now I feel pretty good. In all of my reflecting this weekend I came to the realization that I need two days off a week. I was really starting to get burned out and now I have more time for me and more time to focus on my health and my game plan.
I am intending that the next few posts will be happier ones. Who wants to read about a grumpy Gus all the time?
Oh yeah and there is that date I have with a scale tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Can I just win Lotto already?!
Today was a very discouraging eating day. I have had quite a few no shows and cancellations this week and it is definitely starting to affect my wallet. Which, in turn, affects what I can afford to buy food wise.
I desperately need to go to the grocery store but am waiting till next week to find out how much money I can spend on food after rent and bills are paid. This sucks! I really want to eat fresh, healthy locally grown foods but being cash poor at the moment is making it incredibly hard. It didn't help either that I ate very little throughout the day so that after a full days work my body was ravenous. Again, not the best time to make food decisions. Couple that will the fact that I need to make my money stretch further and we are right back to square one. Buying high calorie, low nutrition food for under $7. THAT IS HOW I GOT THIS BIG IN THE FIRST FRIGGIN' PLACE! I WANT OUT OF THIS CYCLE! NOW!!
I get so frustrated sometimes with my lack of imagination when it comes to healthy cheap foods. I have champagne tastes on a beer budget. In this country that's not a good thing because everything fresh and nutritious costs the most. So what do I do? Does anyone out there have any suggestions?
I know that this post seems angry, cause it is, but I don't want that to be the tone of my blog. So I am going to suck it up, drink some water and try to get a good nights sleep so that I may start fresh and new tomorrow.
See ya then!
I desperately need to go to the grocery store but am waiting till next week to find out how much money I can spend on food after rent and bills are paid. This sucks! I really want to eat fresh, healthy locally grown foods but being cash poor at the moment is making it incredibly hard. It didn't help either that I ate very little throughout the day so that after a full days work my body was ravenous. Again, not the best time to make food decisions. Couple that will the fact that I need to make my money stretch further and we are right back to square one. Buying high calorie, low nutrition food for under $7. THAT IS HOW I GOT THIS BIG IN THE FIRST FRIGGIN' PLACE! I WANT OUT OF THIS CYCLE! NOW!!
I get so frustrated sometimes with my lack of imagination when it comes to healthy cheap foods. I have champagne tastes on a beer budget. In this country that's not a good thing because everything fresh and nutritious costs the most. So what do I do? Does anyone out there have any suggestions?
I know that this post seems angry, cause it is, but I don't want that to be the tone of my blog. So I am going to suck it up, drink some water and try to get a good nights sleep so that I may start fresh and new tomorrow.
See ya then!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Oy!
What a day. It began with my usual morning routine: get up, fix breakfast, check emails and stuff, return phone calls and mentally prepare myself for the day. Well, while reading emails one of the places that I work (there are two) called to say that they weren't sure that I knew but I had an 11am session booked. I didn't know, no one called me and it was now 10:06am. CRAP!
So I rushed to the shower, cursing the whole time.....I hate being rushed in the morning. I usually get over heated and sweaty and I can't seem to cool down the rest of the day. It sucks. I get to work and begin my very long day of taking care of others and I can feel a tension headache coming on. As a massage therapist I should make it a point of getting a regular massage myself but it has been well over 3 months since I last had one. The pain and tension just kept building and building until finally, today, I couldn't take it anymore.
The reason I am giving you this much info is that since I felt so awful, I opted to get a 90 minute deep tissue massage instead of going to the gym. I wish that I had time to do both but the massage won out in the end.
My eating today was really good....until the evening. I had lunch around 1:30 and wasn't able to have dinner until 9pm. My massage did get out until 8:30pm so by that time I was ravenous and I think that we all know that when you are crazy hungry you don't make the best decisions. So I had Chinese food, which I really don't like but it was one of the only things open that late that wasn't drive thru.
So I am not going to beat myself up, I already paid someone to do that earlier. Instead I am going to get a great nights sleep, hit the gym tomorrow morning and then begin my day. Actually I will be beginning my day with a lovely facial. Jealous? ;)
So I rushed to the shower, cursing the whole time.....I hate being rushed in the morning. I usually get over heated and sweaty and I can't seem to cool down the rest of the day. It sucks. I get to work and begin my very long day of taking care of others and I can feel a tension headache coming on. As a massage therapist I should make it a point of getting a regular massage myself but it has been well over 3 months since I last had one. The pain and tension just kept building and building until finally, today, I couldn't take it anymore.
The reason I am giving you this much info is that since I felt so awful, I opted to get a 90 minute deep tissue massage instead of going to the gym. I wish that I had time to do both but the massage won out in the end.
My eating today was really good....until the evening. I had lunch around 1:30 and wasn't able to have dinner until 9pm. My massage did get out until 8:30pm so by that time I was ravenous and I think that we all know that when you are crazy hungry you don't make the best decisions. So I had Chinese food, which I really don't like but it was one of the only things open that late that wasn't drive thru.
So I am not going to beat myself up, I already paid someone to do that earlier. Instead I am going to get a great nights sleep, hit the gym tomorrow morning and then begin my day. Actually I will be beginning my day with a lovely facial. Jealous? ;)
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
STATS/ 1st Weigh In
Okay, as promised here are my stats:Height: 5'10
Weight: 323.4 (gasp)
Age: 32 (sob)
BMI: 46.3 (good lord!)
Cruise weight: 260
End Goal Weight: 150
End BMI: 21.5
I damn near had an aneurysm when I got on the scale today. HOW?! Well it truly is time to buckle down and get healthy. I am starting to walk my talk. I have to lead by example for my clients since I am a massage therapist. People are always asking for advice for stretching, working out and what they can do food wise for there bodies in order to make them healthier. I can just imagine what they are thinking when I start to tell them how important water, healthy food, exercise and stretching is for them. "What does she know about it?"
Well, starting now I am speaking from experience!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)