Saturday, June 7, 2008

Down On Me

I feel really lost right now, really disappointed and very weepy. Why do I continue to quit on myself? I just started this damn change and already I have made excuses, felt bad about myself on numerous occasions and almost given up a couple of times. I feel so weak right now.

I love to work out, that is not my problem but when it comes to the diet I have absolutely no discipline. I love food. I love to cook and bake. I love discussing food and wine and anything involving the culinary arts. I love to watch the Food Network. My other blog has mostly links to other food blogs. I envy those people a lot. I envy people who can have a healthy love of food and wine and still maintain a healthy lifestyle. I want their carefree attitude about food and life in general.

I have traveled to Europe on three different occasions in my life, which is a whole different problem ( cause I haven't been able to travel there more.) I long for the European approach to the pleasures in life. They absolutely do not agonize over every little calorie or gram of fat. They don't apologize for making their meals an occasion to be celebrated and remembered. I also admire the flavors of the Orient and how Asia has raised their gastronomic adventures to an art form.

My major problem is that, on most occasions, I wait until I am ravenous to begin my quest for food. That usually leads me to make bad decisions and thus the cycle continues. I know that claiming to be super busy is only one of many excuses I use to give up on myself. I could make my meals ahead of time and freeze them portioned and everything. But do I? No. Do you want to know the reason why? Because I just don't want to have to deny myself something if I want it. I just want to be able to work out a lot, eat whatever I want and just lose weight. Alas that will just have to continue being my fantasy since we all know that's not how it works.

One of the things I am trying to change about myself is to be more pro-active. Since I have been hating on myself the past couple of days I decided to go to the gym on a Saturday night and swim. I watched two episodes of Biggest Loser reruns then I went to the grocery store and bought some skinless chicken breast, milk and kashi cereal. I already have potatoes, green beans and zucchini from my stop at the farmers market on Tuesday. So tomorrow I will have a healthy breakfast, choose wisely when I meet my friend for lunch at my favorite restaurant and then try to control myself at my friends going away party at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I love their mojitos! I WILL go to the gym tomorrow and then come home and make myself a healthy and nutritious dinner. Plus, I will blog about my day that evening so that I don't leave you all hanging about my progress.

For those of you out there struggling with the same problems, please leave me a comment on what you do to get yourself out of a slump.



Anonymous said...

Denying the wedding cake that my parents brought home from visiting a friend who called off her wedding has been really hard. I did have a bite but not a slice. I really want to shove the whole GD thing in my mouth and tell myself that I will workout extra hard later. That is a lie. I am really good at those, too. What kind of switched in my mind this week was I am going to sacrifice until the cows come home, becuase when we go on this cruise I can eat EVERYTHING I want, in TRIPLICATE!!! And I seriously will. I guess there is always sacrifice to be made when one is on a quest but if you can just hang in there for six months it will all be worth it!

CindyLou said...

Hey Olivia,
I really think that we all have the same problem when it comes to food. Food is one of the many pleasurable things that life has to offer and you shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying it or desiring it.

When I'm feeling down about myself I like to pamper myself. Take a long bath, give myself a facial, paint my toenails, etc. Then I lay around in my comfy bathrobe and snuggle with my kitties. Try to think about what it is that's making me feel down and what I can do to change it, feel good for the next couple days then end up back in the same old patterns again, lol.

Just keep swimming, your friends are all here for you.

Jenn M said...

I think you should for sure be able to eat what you want. Try eating exactly what it is your craving.. but just do it with the right portion size. If you don't eat what your craving.. you'll eat everything else instead. At least I know thats how I am. If I want a cheeseburger and I deprive myself of the cheeseburger.. guess what, I'm eating chips, salad, cottage cheese and THEN a cheeseburger. In all reality your not going to drop 8 lbs in a week.. its a slow process of teaching yourself how to eat right and have a healthy lifestyle. It's baby steps... :) You'll do fantastic!!!