I feel really lost right now, really disappointed and very weepy. Why do I continue to quit on myself? I just started this damn change and already I have made excuses, felt bad about myself on numerous occasions and almost given up a couple of times. I feel so weak right now.
I love to work out, that is not my problem but when it comes to the diet I have absolutely no discipline. I love food. I love to cook and bake. I love discussing food and wine and anything involving the culinary arts. I love to watch the Food Network. My other blog has mostly links to other food blogs. I envy those people a lot. I envy people who can have a healthy love of food and wine and still maintain a healthy lifestyle. I want their carefree attitude about food and life in general.
I have traveled to Europe on three different occasions in my life, which is a whole different problem ( cause I haven't been able to travel there more.) I long for the European approach to the pleasures in life. They absolutely do not agonize over every little calorie or gram of fat. They don't apologize for making their meals an occasion to be celebrated and remembered. I also admire the flavors of the Orient and how Asia has raised their gastronomic adventures to an art form.
My major problem is that, on most occasions, I wait until I am ravenous to begin my quest for food. That usually leads me to make bad decisions and thus the cycle continues. I know that claiming to be super busy is only one of many excuses I use to give up on myself. I could make my meals ahead of time and freeze them portioned and everything. But do I? No. Do you want to know the reason why? Because I just don't want to have to deny myself something if I want it. I just want to be able to work out a lot, eat whatever I want and just lose weight. Alas that will just have to continue being my fantasy since we all know that's not how it works.
One of the things I am trying to change about myself is to be more pro-active. Since I have been hating on myself the past couple of days I decided to go to the gym on a Saturday night and swim. I watched two episodes of Biggest Loser reruns then I went to the grocery store and bought some skinless chicken breast, milk and kashi cereal. I already have potatoes, green beans and zucchini from my stop at the farmers market on Tuesday. So tomorrow I will have a healthy breakfast, choose wisely when I meet my friend for lunch at my favorite restaurant and then try to control myself at my friends going away party at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I love their mojitos! I WILL go to the gym tomorrow and then come home and make myself a healthy and nutritious dinner. Plus, I will blog about my day that evening so that I don't leave you all hanging about my progress.
For those of you out there struggling with the same problems, please leave me a comment on what you do to get yourself out of a slump.