I am really trying to hold it together right now. I am watching Biggest Loser and kicking myself repeatedly for falling off the wagon this weekend and this evening. I have had more sodas these past few days than I have in several months. I have had ice cream, pastries, fast food and large portions. I have slacked on my workouts, water intake and positive reinforcement. I know that this happens, I know that I am not alone but it doesn't make the hurt and disgust go away.
When will I effing find the combination for me?!?!?! When will it just click? Everyone I have read or known who has reached their goals had, at some point, a moment of clarity... a moment where it all seemed to finally click for them. I feel like I have been doing this forever. Oh wait! That's because I have been doing this forever. I have been on a "diet" since I was 8 years old. Why can't I just get out of my body's way? I know it has a voice but it's so buried under these heavy layers of fat that I can barely hear it.
I can work out. In fact I really love doing it. When I do it religiously I feel strong, confident and attractive. It's the food dang it! I don't seem to be getting it. WHY DO I HAVE THIS BLOCK?!
I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want to be beautiful. I want to be at peace with my body not at war with it.
I feel so lost right now.