Falling Off The Wagon

I am really trying to hold it together right now. I am watching Biggest Loser and kicking myself repeatedly for falling off the wagon this weekend and this evening. I have had more sodas these past few days than I have in several months. I have had ice cream, pastries, fast food and large portions. I have slacked on my workouts, water intake and positive reinforcement. I know that this happens, I know that I am not alone but it doesn't make the hurt and disgust go away.

When will I effing find the combination for me?!?!?! When will it just click? Everyone I have read or known who has reached their goals had, at some point, a moment of clarity... a moment where it all seemed to finally click for them. I feel like I have been doing this forever. Oh wait! That's because I have been doing this forever. I have been on a "diet" since I was 8 years old. Why can't I just get out of my body's way? I know it has a voice but it's so buried under these heavy layers of fat that I can barely hear it.

I can work out. In fact I really love doing it. When I do it religiously I feel strong, confident and attractive. It's the food dang it! I don't seem to be getting it. WHY DO I HAVE THIS BLOCK?!

I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want to be beautiful. I want to be at peace with my body not at war with it.

I feel so lost right now.

What to do, what to do?

So my dearest, darlingest, bestest friend in the whole wide world, Elisa, bought me J'adore for my maid of honor gift. I love it!! I wear it on nights out, to work and sometimes just sometimes in my pj's. :) I can't get enough! But it does, however, leave me with a bit of a conundrum; what should be my 50lbs lost goal now? In fact I have no idea what to reward myself with after 30lbs lost. So here is where you all come in. Please leave a comment with any and all suggestions for rewards from 30 to 50lbs lost. I don't think I can manage thinking beyond that right now. Of course I have already decided what to do when I reach my weight loss end goal.

So pony up kiddies and keep those suggestions coming!!

See yas!

Busy, Busy Bee

Howdy! As the blog title says I have been one busy little bee. Which is such a positive thing and has been helping me tremendously with keeping on track. I have been working out about 4 times a week and doing A LOT of walking to and from work and other downtown destinations. I am hoping that it will reflect on the scale tonight. :)

My eating has been pretty good. I am still tweaking the portion fundamentals since I have become more active. I feel a little like Goldilocks trying to find the amount that is "just right." Some days 3 meals is sufficient but others, especially really active ones, I need at least one or two filling snacks. I still get certain cravings like mad but am trying my hardest to work through them and if by the end of one or two days I still want something, I'll have it but in a much smaller portion than before. Like today... I have been craving coffee for about 4 days so I got a tall cafe au lait instead of a grande. That coffee tasted soooo good because it was a long awaited for treat not an everyday expectation. I need to make another trip to the grocery store and stock up... it's been a while.

I absolutely love this time of year. The clothes, food, hot apple cider, leaves changing and my most favoritest of holidays..... Halloween! It also signifies the beginning of "eating season" and I am going to try my best to keep active enough that I don't go overboard. There are so many fun activities this time of year; apple harvest festivals, Highland games, fall hiking, the turkey trot and this weekend a super cool activity is going on. Obama and Biden are coming to the University of Mary Washington on Saturday to speak about change and guess who's gonna be there? ME!!! I seriously live within walking distance to the campus and provided I get off work on time I will be there bright and early for the line up. So exciting!!

Signing off until next time. Ciao!

Next Challenge

That's right I have a new challenge, one that I hope my friends and family will join me on. This Thanksgiving I am going to do the Family and Friends- YMCA Turkey Trot 5k Run! Now, I am not saying that I will RUN the entire 5k but I am gonna try to run as much of it as possible and power walk the heck out of the rest. You know what that means.... gotta step up the walking/running training. (gasp!) Plus this scares the poo out of me and I have been told by many different folks that you are supposed to challenge yourself to things that scare you a little. Well this scares me a lot! Plus, by doing this run/walk I can justify more calorie intake on Thanksgiving! YIPPEE!! Sweet Potato Casserole here I come!

YUM!!

Today I made this:

Oven Roasted Shrimp and Orzo Salad.

Which I got from this:

Amazing!!!

Kosher salt

Good olive oil

3/4 pound orzo pasta (rice-shaped pasta)

1/2 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice (3 lemons)

Freshly ground black pepper

2 pounds (16 to 18 count) shrimp, peeled and deveined

1 cup minced scallions, white and green parts

1 cup chopped fresh dill

1 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

1 hothouse cucumber, unpeeled, seeded, and medium-diced

1/2 cup small-diced red onion (I substituted red pepper)

3/4 pound good feta cheese, large diced

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
Fill a large pot with water, add 1 tablespoon of salt and a splash of oil, and bring the water to a boil. Add the orzo and simmer for 9 to 11 minutes, stirring occasionally, until it's cooked al dente. Drain and pour into a large bowl. Whisk together the lemon juice, 1/2 cup olive oil, 2 teaspoons salt and 1 teaspoon of pepper. Pour over the hot pasta and stir well.
Meanwhile, place the shrimp on a sheet pan, drizzle with olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss to combine and spread out in a single layer. Roast for 5 to 6 minutes, until the shrimp are cooked through. Don't overcook!
Add the shrimp to the orzo and then add the scallions, dill, parsley, cucumber, onion, 2 teaspoons salt, and 1 teaspoon pepper. Toss well. Add the feta and stir carefully. Set aside at room temperature for 1 hour to allow the flavors to blend, or refrigerate overnight. If refrigerated, taste again for seasonings and bring back to room temperature before serving.

Pineapple Express

I would like to think that I am the type of person, when choosing a prize for a reached goal, that would pick something chic and cultured. Instead, this time, I wanted to laugh and forget about a rather crappy day. So I chose to take myself to see Pineapple Express. I was not disappointed. This movie was hysterical! James Franco is super delicious even as a stoner and Seth Rogen plays a fabulous straight man to James' silly one. Danny McBride also deserves mention for being freakin hilarious! I laughed so hard that I was wheezing and crying. If you just want to "go away" for a while then check this movie out. The fight scene at the end was a little much for me but hey, it's a movie for and about guys.

I Have Made My Next Goal!!!

*313.4*

Oh my geesh.... it has taken forever but I have finally reached my 10lb goal! You know what that means, MOVIE MOVIE MOVIE!! I get to take myself out on a date for a movie of my choosing. What to do? What to do? When to go? What to see? Wheeeeeee!!

Day 19, 20 and 21 of the 21 Day Food Challenge

Well, the challenge is over and let's admit that I did not do as well with this one as I did with the workout challenge. Ah well..... I wont beat myself up over it because that kind of encouragement doesn't work so well with me. However, I am starting to play around with my portion sizes. It has been incredibly frustrating but I will not give up! I think I went to small at first because after I would eat, I would wait an hour and still be physically hungry. Most noticeably on days I had a lot of clients or a major workout. So by night time I am very hungry and craving all the wrong types of foods. I tried to be good. I had ice cream a few times but tried to make it more fruit and yogurt style desserts.

I don't have another challenge lined up yet but I will be thinking of one. I am just really going to focus on lots of workouts and whole foods. Maybe if I take the pressure off I will do better. Wish me luck!


9/09/08
Breakfast: 1 cup cooked oatmeal, brown sugar, walnuts, 2% milk, water to drink

Lunch: hardee's 1/3lb thick burger, bacon cheddar fries, medium coke....... bad, bad, bad lunch choice! :(

Dinner: asian marinated wild sockeye salmon, brown rice, sauteed zucchini, glass of orange pineapple juice, water

Dessert: (post workout) greek yogurt with honey and almond slivers, 1 kiwi fruit, water
9/10/08
Breakfast: 1 cup cooked oatmeal with brown sugar, walnuts and 1% milk, water

Lunch: my mama's homemade pork bbq with coleslaw on two pieces or organic whole wheat bread, apple, water

Snack: small snack size bag of Frito's

Dinner: leftover salmon, brown rice and zucchini, orange pineapple juice and water

Dessert: still hungry, don't think I ate enough for all the physical activity I did today so I had a small bowl of Kashi H2H cereal and 1% milk.

Glass of Rose to relax. :)

9/11/08
Breakfast: bowl of Kashi H2H cereal, 1 % milk, water

Lunch: homemade bbq sandwich with coleslaw, water

Dinner: small chix breast baked with Newman's O&V dressing, carrots and celery with light ranch dipping sauce, brown rice, water

Dessert: 1 scoop each of strawberry ice cream and cookie dough ice cream

Day 15, 16, 17 and 18 of the 21 Day Food Challenge

I must admit that today and this past weekend were a little decedent with a wedding celebration and all. I may have indulged a bit too much in the alcoholic beverages but I don't regret it because I had a blast and danced the night away. :)

Tomorrow is full of many wonderful accomplishments. Business to dos, healthy grocery shopping (which will hopefully cut the crappy eating tendencies) and Zumba at the gym. Still on a high from not having gained anything over the past two months. So.... YAY!

9/05/08
Breakfast: 1 cup cooked oatmeal with brown sugar, walnuts and 2% milk, water

Snack: piece of home made banana bread, plum, water

Lunch: shrimp scampi leftovers, water

Dinner: 1 cup of egg noodles, 4 stroganoff meat balls, 1 glass of club soda with 1/2 cup of orange pineapple juice

Dessert: 1/2 cup 0% fat Greek yogurt with kashi mountain medley granola, water

9/06/08
Breakfast: Hardee's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit, small hash rounds, orange juice

Lunch: Qudoba queso chix burrito, lemon snapple iced tea

Dinner: (wedding) salad, 1 roll, 1/2 prime rib, 4 potatoes, 1 piece of wedding cake and too many drinks to count. I am drunky mcdrunk drunk and I am ashamed.

9/07/08
Breakfast: two pancakes with butter and maple syrup, 3 maple sausage patties, iced coffee with cream and sugar, water

Lunch/Dinner: (post workout) 3 veggie spring rolls, panang curry with chix, steamed white rice, water

Dessert: 3/4 club soda, 1/4 pineapple orange juice

9/08/08
Breakfast: 1 cup cooked oatmeal, brown sugar, walnuts, water

Lunch: left over panang curry with chix, white rice, water

Dinner: quizno's regular sized club sandwich, sun chips, lipton white tea

Dessert: chocolate chip cookie, water

Finally Kept My Date With The Scale.....

.... and it wasn't sooo bad. In fact (drum roll) I have lost .4lbs since my last weigh in almost two months ago! I thought for sure I was going to record a gain since my eating wasn't so hot for a few weeks and I haven't been working out with the same zeal I once had. But... I worked out today and I feel really good. :) Here are days 11,12,13 and 14 of my 21 day food challenge:

9/01/08
Breakfast: Bob Evans, two scrambled eggs with cheese, 2 sausage links, home fries, 1 pancake with butter and syrup, water and hot tea with cream and sugar

Lunch: mix green salad with black beans, carrots, tomatoes, feta cheese, chix, water and raspberries

Dinner: small bowl of butternut squash soup from Trader Joe's, peanut butter and jelly sandwich on organic whole wheat bread, water

Dessert: bowl of watermelon

9/02/08
Breakfast: one cooked cup of whole oatmeal with a little bit of brown sugar, walnuts, 2% milk and dried cranberries, 80z of pineapple/orange juice and water

Lunch: egg salad on two pieces organic whole wheat bread, bowl of watermelon, water

Dinner: mixed green salad with avocado, tomatoes, carrots, black beans, feta cheese, baked chicken breast and Annie's Balsamic Dressing, water

Post workout snack: recovery shake with whey protein

9/03/08
Breakfast: kashi h2h cereal with 2% milk, water and a vitamin

Lunch: veggie quesadilla, newman's organic salsa, watermelon, water

Dinner: two fish soft tacos, way too many glasses of Rosado

Dessert: two pieces of banana nut bread

9/04/08
Breakfast: 1 cup cooked oatmeal with brown sugar, walnuts and 2% milk, water

Snack: piece of home made banana bread with salted butter on top, water

Lunch: shrimp scampi ( at home) with angel hair pasta, water

Dinner: 6 ounce sirloin steak with sauteed mushrooms, baked sweet potato with butter and cinnamon, house salad with blue cheese on the side, 1 roll, 2 glasses of sweat tea

Some entries are not so hot but there is more good than bad and as we all know, this is a journey with many ups and downs but it's who you are in between that counts. :)

A Good Day

Today I had a good day. I started off with some EFT Tapping ,had a healthy breakfast which I may have to change around because it only lasted through 1 and a half massages, had an equally healthy lunch and dinner, a full days work and I went back to the gym tonight. I tried the Zumba class for the first time with my step sister. We had a blast and I think we may even make it a regular thing. :) I made it a point to stay positive and focused throughout the day. Being that busy really helped me stay on track with the eating. However I realized today that I definitely need 3 meals and 2 snacks when I have a full work load and errands to run. On less busy days I could probably get away with only 3 meals but today I got really hungry and headachey towards lunch and the end of my day.

The one really positive thing about having a bad day is that you are usually blessed with an equally good one the next day. And I was. :)

Here's to a prosperous, harmonious and healthy week! CHEERS!

Okay, Let's Turn A New Leaf

Let's be honest, the last two weeks have not been my best. In fact since I started this blog I have had more than my fair share of "do overs." As it has been pointed out to me by not only my own observations but by those of strangers reading my blog, my food consumption is not where it needs to be. In fact it is not even in the same galaxy that it needs to be. I don't know what to do. I feel really lost. I have tried every diet known to man; Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, LA Weight loss..... you name it, I tried it. I have read countless books on diet & weight loss; Eat Right for Your Type, French Women Don't Get Fat, Fat is a Feminist Issue, You! On a Diet..... just to name a few. I even went to a dietitian a few years back.

When it comes to food, food combining, portion control I am completely lost. Math has never been my best subject and the thought of trying to figure out what my calories need to be in order to support weight loss while working out and having a physical job like massage makes me want to scream. I don't really understand how many calories are in certain foods and how to calculate up or down for portion size. I have tried many times to "get it" but have only been met with failure in the past. Maybe someone can explain it to me in a way that makes since? Does anyone know of any websites or tools that help with this and I mean in layman's terms?

Please, only positive and helpful comments from now on. :)

Challenging Challenges

Hello all! I just wanted to address something really quickly before I resumed an actual post. In the past week I have received two very judgemental comments on my blog. One concerning my language and the other how much I eat. The former at least left their blog name so that I could get an idea of who they where (even though they haven't posted anything on their blog in which to comment on) but the later isn't even a blogger or if he is he is too scared to leave his actual address and would rather hide behind a "screen name."

To the first negative Nancy, if the words that I use upset you then please feel free to discontinue reading my blog. It's a free country in which I can write what I choose and you have the right to not read it. If you don't like my blog then just don't read it. It's really not necessary to leave me a comment to say that you don't like it or that my language offends you. Really, I wont be upset if you don't read. :)

To the second downer Dan, I don't need or appreciate your negative or judgemental comments about how much or what I eat. Obviously food is a gray area for me, one on which I am working but it is a process and nobody is perfect. I make mistakes, I eat things that are not good for me but I also eat things that are. That is why it is a CHALLENGE for me. I don't put down the ounces of what I eat because I don't measure, which maybe I should but that is my choice. The first step for me is to be honest about my mistakes and record them whether I want to or not because I am serious about becoming healthy but again, it is a work in progress. For someone who has a very physical job like myself and exercises I do need more fuel than the average Jane. And when I do make a not so healthy choice, believe me, I am beating myself up over it more than you ever could. So no thanks, I don't need help in that department.

I'm sorry that I even had a need to make this post and I am not trying to be negative myself. I receive far more supportive comments than not but felt it should be addressed.

Hey other weight loss bloggers, is this a problem for you too?